the ships have sailed for now

This is me, yup. That's STILL the story of my life and that was taken in 2016. LOL. The ships I'm talking about are relationSHIPS, get it?

**PLAYS: Dear No One, by Tori Kelly

As depressing as it sounds, DUN DUN DUN. I'm okay single. I'm chillen! I'll be going on a year and a half of not "dating." I've thought guys were cute here and there, but it's been a while. They all seem to come and go somehow and I've convinced myself that I need to work on who I am before I "put myself out there," as my sister says.

As much as I'd like to hear how someone's day went, or make travel plans with someone-- I'm in no rush to be vulnerable or make time. I'm in no rush to watch the sunset with someone who I care for deeply in an intimate way, to trust to bring to my favorite lookouts or... share my secret playlists with... or my ALL TIME FAVORITE SONGS (get your mind out the gutter b lmao).

It would be nice to have someone genuinely support the outreaches I do.. but, I've dated guys that just don't understand my efforts or think I'm just 'one person.' I've come across guys that may care for me deeply but even more significantly are drowned in their own ego and, ya girl is over it.

This may or may not seem repetitive, but it's random thoughts so... really?

It's always nice having someone, we're created to love and be loved.

"Why are you single?" "Why are you so picky?" "What makes up your dream guy?" "What does a guy have to do to be with you?" BLAH BLAH BLAH

These questions are relentless, and... well, pointless might I say.

Why am I single? I believe that during this time, maybe my future spouse and I need time to grow on our own... In other words, I honestly don't have an answer. I just know one thing for sure, none of the guys I've come across have been ready or maybe I wasn't ready for them. Who knows? It could very much be me.

One problem I have is finding a single flaw which destroys my outlook on a guy, from how he carries himself, how he treats people or what type of family he comes from.

To the deeper stuff, I was asked "What do you look for in a guy?" In these past couple of years, my answers have fluctuated. I used to be very superficial (ok, I kinda still am bc I hope my husband is handsome so we can have lil beautiful CHamoru human beans). 

Priorities Include:

1. Kingdom Minded, has a developing relationship with God
2. Appearance and Demeanor (Gentlemen like; humorous; respectful; kind; down to earth)

3. Strong Familial Ties.

4. TI FAIR being boring or too structured.

5. Driven, Ambitious and has his dreams.

Random topics:

Church:
I will end a relationship if God isn't involved. I've done it before, even when it meant crying for a week because I loved everything else in the relationship. The Lord made the ultimate sacrifice for me, thus I will sacrifice the lamb of cute, funny boys. That made no sense, but okay.. I will cut ya out of my life. Estaaaa. HAHAHAHA

Money:

I've dated those who have a good job, live a stable life, however, are cheap losers. Yes, I said losers. Guys who save so much, but don't necessarily have a goal attached to their savings are losers to me. Emergencies are understandable. Family expenses are understandable. Living expenses are understandable. Traveling Bucket Lists are understandable. The idea of "just having money to see that I have money" is stupid to me. Money comes AND money goes. Some just wanna see bula digits in their account, while some want to show to the world they got it... but homie, it's okay to struggle. You spend so much effort trying to look rich when, HOMEBOY STRUGGLES ARE REAL AND ITS OKAY. We're growing. I dislike when people are stingy. I just wanna punch them.. or run over them with their own trucks but ya know. Social working it.

Gender-Roles:

I would consider myself antigu. Anitgu translates to old-fashioned in CHamoru. I desire to have a life that reflects what I believe in, which is for a man to take care of the yard, appliances, cars & work, while I take care of the house, kids, laundry, etc. But, team work makes the dream work. I enjoy yard work and doing things independently, so allowing a guy to do things for me will be the most difficult goal to achieve. But I want someone who is man enough to say (when necessary) *insert chaud voice here* Richille, cut your shit, keep it moving.

I frequently joke about relationships, so just to let the world know this is actually a very uncomfortable subject for me to talk about. Maybe it's my bad luck? Maybe I'm just awkward? Maybe I'm stand-offish? Maybe I act like I'm interested but, secretly I enjoy being alone? Maybe it's my past? Maybe it's my incredibly high-standards? Yeah, if it wasn't obvious enough... It's all the above. HAHAHAHA.

I can get so awkward or serious, when I talk about guys so I'm making this as informal as I am. *insert the one big eye, one small eye, tongue out crazy looking emoji here* (If you know, you know & if not-- sucks to suck). Hopefully this shows on whatever electronic you're using: "🤪"

"This is your year!" "He's gonna find you this year." "Anyone would be lucky to have you." 

DEAR ALL PEOPLE TELLING ME THESE THINGS: YALL BETTER STOP GASSING ME UP BECAUSE IN ALL THIS HOPE, I BETTER NOT BE DODGING MISTLETOES IN DECEMBER OR SENDING MYSELF FLOWERS NEXT FEBRUARY!!! OK.

There are so many people praying for my future husband that if he isn't bomb as hell and drop ded (yes ded) handsome... I'll be slightly disappointed because homie, we've been waiting a long time for ya.